


Snake Charmer

by plutosrose



Series: Bucky Barnes Bingo 2020 [7]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Computer Viruses, Customer Service & Tech Support, M/M, Meet-Cute, Porn Watching, inappropriate feelings while calling customer service
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-28
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:40:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26689786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plutosrose/pseuds/plutosrose
Summary: “You wouldn’t happen to have visited any of the following websites recently: Snake Charmer, CockTeaze, Too Much Head, BlueBells and BlueBalls...”Bucky sunk down on the couch, then immediately slipped off of the cushions and laid down on the floor, as though he would be able to avoid Steve’s gaze over the phone. “Yes,” he croaked, if only to get Steve to stop talking. “It was one of those.”-Getting a computer virus after you visit a porn site is tough.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Series: Bucky Barnes Bingo 2020 [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1882291
Comments: 8
Kudos: 207
Collections: Bucky Barnes Bingo 2020





	Snake Charmer

Rumors about the HYDRA computer virus had been circulating on Reddit for several weeks now. r/computerscience was pretty confident that it was a rumor. It was supposedly a particularly invasive virus, one that you might not even know that you had. Once it appeared on your computer, it was already too late. It replicated over your WiFi network, infecting every single one of your devices, rendering them unusable.

u/dumdum for example claimed that he’d brought devices in that had been infected for repairs, and been told that the only solution would be to buy a completely new computer and phone, and possibly change internet providers at the same time. “It could be the end of the internet as we know it!” had made Bucky laugh out loud.

Bucky had snorted when he’d read that comment and poured himself another glass of wine. “Do yourself a favor and google SHIELD Antivirus, it helps protect your computer from both real and imagined viruses,” he typed out, snickering to himself. For good measure, he tagged u/dumdum. He loved a good Reddit fight. In fact, he’d spent a good hour the night before debating the veracity of the photos that people had taken of computers that had succumbed to the virus (“Light doesn’t bend that way in a real photo, u/spyqueen,” he’d snickered at his computer.”)

It was a nice way to unwind.

Speaking of nice ways to unwind, he checked Snake Charmer to see if a new video had been posted. He’d seen most of them, aside from the top result. While he wasn’t a huge fan of Jack Rollins or Brock Rumlow, watching them act together in a scene where they were both supposed to be evil henchmen wasn’t enough to put off his dick. In fact, the more he watched them grind against each other, the more interested his dick got in it.

“This isn’t even good porn,” he grumbled to himself as he reluctantly undid the button and zipper on his jeans, pulled his cock out, and grabbed the bottle of lube that he stashed in the cushions on his nights in for this very purpose.

Somehow, he had gotten into a good rhythm, stroking firmly from the root of his cock to the tip, rubbing his thumb along the head. At one point, he’d needed to turn down the volume and then outright mute it, because there was something very off-putting about the way that Brock grunted when Jack was blowing him.

Fortunately, his dick didn’t seem to care if the volume was off, and that twist of arousal kept taking him higher and higher.

Until suddenly, his computer screen went black.

For a split second, he saw a bright green snake monster that he recognized as the hydra, appear on screen. He swore loudly and closed the computer as fast as he could, before he grabbed his phone and disconnected it from the WiFi.

u/dumdum was probably out there somewhere, laughing at him.

He quickly googled the SHIELD Antivirus customer service number and hit the call button.

“Hello?” he cursed under his breath as he adjusted his pants. A bot, which helpfully introduced itself to him as JARVIS (and which Bucky cursed at several times as he tried to convey what his problem was), quickly redirected him to the ‘next available customer service specialist.’

“There’s a problem with my computer,” he rushed out the moment that he heard someone pick up. The sooner he was able to hang up, the better. “I think it’s that HYDRA virus, and am I going to just have to buy a new computer or something? Will I have to change internet providers? What do I do?”

It felt like every bit of computer science knowledge he had had been forgotten. The combination of being embarrassed by getting a virus on a porn site (it was so cliché he was going to die), and being proven wrong (that image of a bright green hydra was a lot like the ones that he’d seen in screenshots on Reddit) was a little overwhelming.

“Hi James, I’m Steve,” the voice that came from the other end of the phone was not unlike what he had imagined the quarterback of his college’s team to sound like only every time that he fantasized about him. “Would you mind repeating what you just said, only slower this time?”

Bucky turned bright red, and was thankful that Steve couldn’t see him. “I got that HYDRA virus thing I think on my computer.” He smacked his forehead in annoyance.

“Hmm,” Steve hummed to himself, and Bucky could imagine him smirking. Why would he be smirking? He wasn’t sure, but once he got the image in his head, it sent weird little twists of arousal through him.

“You wouldn’t happen to have visited any of the following websites recently: Snake Charmer, CockTeaze, Too Much Head, BlueBells and BlueBalls...”

Bucky sunk down on the couch, then immediately slipped off of the cushions and laid down on the floor, as though he would be able to avoid Steve’s gaze over the phone. “Yes,” he croaked, if only to get Steve to stop talking. “It was one of those.”

“It’s fine, Bucky, really,” Steve said gently. “Do you really think that you’re the first person to call about the HYDRA virus? I’ve gotten about six calls, and that was just this week. All had their computers shut down after they went on a porn site. So trust me when I say that nobody’s judging you.”

Bucky breathed a sigh of relief, but it wasn’t quite enough to make his heart stop racing. Was it possible to develop a crush on a customer service voice? Because that’s what it felt like, he found himself wondering more about Steve than he was pretty sure that he would ever get to know.

“Am I going to need to get a new computer?”

He could have sworn that he heard Steve laugh. “No, not unless you want one.”

“Or change internet providers?”

“Again, not unless you particularly want to.”

Yeah, that was definitely a chuckle, Customer Service Steve was amused by his misfortune, and he had the absolute nerve to sound like he was also probably pretty attractive.

“Go into our app on your phone, then go into settings,” Steve instructed while Bucky put him on speaker and started going through the app. “Then once you’re in settings, go to Devices, and hit the button that says ‘look for damaged devices.’ When the app finds your computer, hit ‘repair.’”

“That’s it?”

“That’s it.”

Customer Service Steve was smiling, wasn’t he? Bucky shook his head and tried to will himself to forget the image. Not that he had any idea what Customer Service Steve looked like, but it was still pretty distracting.

“I thought this was supposed to be some kind of scary, world-ending virus,” Bucky blinked as the app confirmed that it had eliminated the virus on his computer. “Not one that you could get rid of in like a couple of minutes.”

"Nope, not a problem with the protection we have at SHIELD." 

“Oh, I um...didn’t realize that.”

“Is there anything else I can help you with?”

Steve had an extremely nice voice, he thought, and now he was sitting on his couch, imagining him right there beside him, running a hand over his thigh and whispering ‘Is there anything else I can help you with?’

Christ, he needed to get laid. He couldn’t be thirsting over Customer Service Specialist Steve from SHIELD Antivirus. Not to mention the fact that Customer Service Specialist Steve didn’t deserve having random people thirst at him over the phone at what was unfortunately now one in the morning.

Bucky glared at the clock for good measure.

“No?” Bucky managed in a strangled tone, wondering if it would have been better or worse if he had asked Steve to call him Bucky.

“Have a good night, James.”

“You too,” Bucky murmured.

Once he had hung up the phone, he looked down at his computer and contemplated finding another porn site. “No,” he murmured to himself. “You’ve caused enough trouble for tonight.”

-

When he got home after work, he remembered that he hadn’t checked the mail in a couple of days. Grumbling to himself, he went back down the stairs to the mail room just to make sure nothing important had arrived.

When he got there, he was alone, aside from a tall blond man that was rifling through his mailbox. Bucky ended up watching him for far longer than he’d intended, eyes lingering on his muscled back and drifting lower until the man turned around and smiled at him.

“Hi, how are you?”

Bucky’s eyes widened, and he blinked several times at the man, who was looking increasingly concerned as more seconds passed. “Um, are you alright?”

Could he answer? That didn’t sound like the best idea in the world--after all, if Bucky recognized Steve, then maybe Steve would recognize him. Maybe if they made direct eye contact, Steve would even know which cringeworthy porn video he’d been jerking off to before he’d called him.

Not him, the customer service hotline, he reminded himself.

“Hi, you--I am--” Bucky babbled, as the expression on Steve’s face grew increasingly concerned. Fuck, he couldn’t even let him be embarrassed properly, could he?

“Sorry I just,” Bucky started again, before a look of recognition spread across Steve’s features. A blush crept up Bucky’s neck.

“You were just what?” Steve raised an eyebrow at him. The hint of a smile was simultaneously attractive and incredibly infuriating.

“I think I hate you.”

Steve snorted, before he reached into his pocket and pulled out what looked like a business card. He picked up one of the pens that had been left in the mail room by the recycling and scribbled something out.

“If you ever want to talk about how much you hate me, call that number,” Steve smirked. “We can talk about our favorite...websites.”

Bucky turned bright red as Steve turned to head out of the mail room. “Yeah, you would like that, wouldn’t you, punk?”

He knew two things to be true in that moment:

1) He was definitely not calling anyone “punk” ever again.

2) Yeah, he was definitely going to call him.


End file.
